


Queer People and Their Queer Ways

by Wordywizard



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Banter, Bickering, F/M, Fluff, Head Injury, Injury, bill referenced, they are an old married couple, tv, twissy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:02:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24361771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wordywizard/pseuds/Wordywizard
Summary: Missy and The Doctor are talking about Bill and well they get a bit side tracked. Basically vault fluff.
Relationships: The Doctor/Missy (Doctor Who), The Doctor/The Master (Doctor Who), Twelfth Doctor/Missy
Kudos: 35





	Queer People and Their Queer Ways

The Doctor was relaxing in the vault with Missy. They were snuggled on a leather couch curled up together in a sinfully soft blanket. They were technically watching some old earth film but really it was just an excuse for the two of them to snuggle and chat.

"There this girl. She's rather queer-" The Doctor began to say before being cut off

"In the modern sense or the traditional one?" Missy replied, pulling one of The Doctor's loose eyebrow hairs.

"Ow! Did you have to do that?" He complained.

"Yes, your eyebrows are a complete tragedy." She retorted, moving her down to wrap around his waist.

"They are not!" He complained as he twisted around to face her.

"They are!" She insisted.

"Are not!"

"Anyway the question at hand?" She suggested, quirking her eyebrows.

"The eyebrow one?" He inquired, annoyed.

"No the queer one." She huffed. She grumbled rearranging herself so she wasn't being stabbed by the Doctor's sonic which she was half certain was glued to him. "And do you have to carry that stupid thing everywhere."

"Yes, what if someone attacks me." He chided, grinning as if he'd won.

"In the vault?" She objected. "The only person here to attack you is me and that toy wouldn't stop me." She calmly explained.

"Anyway I think she's both." He explained diverting from the dangerous territory he had just stumbled into.

"So have you taken her somewhere yet?" Missy smiled like a jackal. He'd always had a certain taste in companions that she found either strange, annoying, or worrisome depending on her incarnation.

"I don't just see someone interesting and take them away plus I can't leave earth and you know that." He said cautiously.

"Sure you haven't and since when have you followed the rules. I remember when we used to run away into the wilderness back at the academy that wasn't very rule abiding was it." She pointed out fondly. Those were the days she thought before anything really divided them.

"Okay, I did but that was because she was being chased down by her crush who had been turned into void-crossing goop." He said, noting Missy's bemused expression.

"See I was right. Your fascination with humans is so strange you know that." She commented grinning violently. 

"Stranger than your preoccupation with overly complex plans." He said fondly. He smiled in a way that one wouldn't think possible with such an aggressive face but that looked rather cute.

"Oh there's an obvious explanation for that, Doctor dear." She said, plunking another stray eyebrow hair.

"Ow! Seriously you're not going to distract me with that trick what's the explanation." He declared pointedly.

"The Drama and to see your pretty little brain work." She said smoothly moving to plunk another hair.

"Oh stop if you continue I'll have no eyebrows left!" He complained grumpily.

"It won't be the first time, dear." She pointed out. She'd seen a picture of him one time when she'd broken into Clara's place. He'd been really cute all things considered even if he barely looked a hundred.

"How?! When?!" He stuttered.

"No I didn't meet that one in person but I've seen the pictures. You looked barely old enough to drive a tardis." She joked playfully.

"BANG!!!" The TV shouted, distracting both of them. 

"Turn it off I'd rather not have a heart attack tonight," Missy complained 

"Don't have the remote." He said as he patted the area around him.

"Neither do I." She retorted letting him go in favour of sticking her hand in the cushion cracks.

"It's got to be here somewhere." The Doctor complained eyeing up the floor to see if they'd dropped it.

BANG!!

"Well use your sonic, then." She puffed.

"Ha bet your glad you have my sonic now!" He grinned.

"This wouldn't be a problem if you hadn't lost the remote." She said.

"Now just to get it." He said shifting uncomfortably. He began to shift off of the coach to reach his sonic before he fell. On his fall he hit his head firmly on the coffee table.

Missy grabbed his sonic quickly and pointed it at the TV turning it off. The TV blinks out leaving only a small void.

"Ow!" He swore as he rubbed his head where he hit it.

"Want me to kiss it better?" Missy said sarcastically. 

"Oh shut up. Ice would be nice though." He said hopefully.

"Don't have any ice, darling I think you might have to take a hike upstairs." She said, pulling him up to standing. He looked rather disheveled with a creased button-up and no jacket. 

"Well then I'll be back with some ice." He said, making for the vault exit.

He stormed upstairs trying to get back to Missy as soon as possible. On his way he bumped into Nardole.

"Did she do that to you! See sir this is why you should be more careful I-"

"Ah Nardole go get me some ice and no she didn't do this I just fell off the couch." He said, trying to mask his frustration.

"Sure and got that big of a bump." He said skeptically.

"I hit the coffee table. Now I asked for some ice." He pointed out. 

Nardole ran off to get him some ice muttering under his breath all the while about danger and Missy. It was lucky The Doctor was paying attention or he'd have rung him out for it. Eventually, Nardole arrived back with a bag of ice.

"I'll be taking that and heading back down." He said, turning to walk down to the vault.

"Are you sure after 'the incident'?" Nardole said nervously.

"I fell off the couch." The Doctor said grumpily stomping down a few stairs.

"Sure you did," Nardole whispered as he watched The Doctor walk down into the vault.

He entered the vault pressing the ice to his head. In the vault he found Missy cheerily disassembling the remote for the television while sitting on the couch.

"Aren't we going to need that." He asked, flopping down next to her on the couch.

"Just modifying it so it can be called. Prevent further accidents and all that." She said as she put together the Remote.

"Well what's the activation phrase?" He said folding the bag of ice to keep it out of his eyes.

"Where's the remote?" Missy said.

"Right on your lap are you feeling alright?" He said worriedly.  
The remote started to beep furiously.

"Yes! You asked for the activation phrase." She replied quite miffed that he assumed she suddenly couldn't see the remote.

"Oh. How do you shut it up?" He asked, throwing the arm not preoccupied with the ice around her.

"You press this button." She said pointing to an innocuous button.

"Ah I see." He said softly. He always found that no matter what changed he always found peace in her arms. It was as if they had been made for each other not that The Doctor really believed in fate, no one that old really can but it was nice to pretend. 

"Well let's go with Scooby-Doo" Missy said leaning into The Doctor's touch.

"Really it's ridiculous." He said half-heartedly.

"Yes, It'll be a lot of fun to point out the flaws and such," Missy said enthusiastically.

In the end they stayed up late insulting Scooby-Doo before eventually collapsing in the early hours of the morning still wrapped up together.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah I'm a purveyor of tooth-rotting fluff. Based on a chat post I wrote


End file.
